Who Farted?

Oh dear god, not since Daly was arrested at Hooters has golf been in such disarray. As denials and allegations of foul play on the 18th (Buick Open) spread around the golfing world, CBS are in damage control. Oh yeah, they are denying it was Tiger who let rip on the 18th with a big old finger being pointed at the friggin mike man.Oh adda boys, blame the sound guy! But if you look closely at the footage Tiger actually lifts his leg at the time of impact. Now people, once you get your fart on TMZ it’s time to grab your lawyer because “FartGate” is now taking on a life of it’s own. Tiger has single handedly brought golf tumbling off it’s pedestal and down to the level of common man. Check out the video, guilty or innocent?

Psst So if a tiger farts in the woods and no one can hear, does it still smell?

What Did You Do That Fore?

Golf etiquette went out the door at Stockwood Park Golf Course when a player was attacked with a golf club.Harold Stafford was at the 3rd hole when he must have hit a shocker because he came racing over to the 13th hole where Barry Barnes and his friends were playing and accused them of playing his ball.Despite denials from the group Mr Staford continued to scream at them, making Mr Barnes miss his putt. One thing lead to another and it was then alleged Mr Stafford began hitting Mr Barnes with his club. Not happy with with his effort he began kicking Barnes while he was lying on the ground. Prosecutor Natalie Carter said during the trial “Although golf is usually thought to be a relaxing pastime, on this day in September it was not.” Ya think? So how much does a golf ball cost these days?

Port of Everett Is Not a Driving Range People!

Geez friggin golfer, way to go. Finally the Port of Everett can justify their $2.3 million Department of Home Land Security grants.The video surveillance cameras originally installed to stop potential terrorist attacks following 9-11, have now been swung around to point directly at the residential neighborhood of Everett. Reason? Someone has been using the port’s Pacific Terminal as a driving range and they aren’t happy about it. Yes, golf balls have been raining down on the terminal over the past couple of months, endangering workers and damaging equipment and cargo. The authorities suspect the avid and possibly lazy golfer is teeing off from Rucker Hill and whacking balls onto the port property for some practice.They are hoping the cameras will hunt the  friggin golfer down before he gets more accurate. No point asking the locals, they hate the port too.Fore!

Psst Hmm, could it be an Al Qaeda cell messing with ya?

Careful What You Wish FORE!

Bill Murray caddyshacked his tee shot during a Pro-Am event in Tampa and the ball flew across the street and knocked over a woman in her front garden. Fore..goodness sakes Bill! Gail DiMaggio and her husband had just stepped out of their house to watch Bill tee off when her husband said ‘I hope he hits it over here,’. Well he got his wish! Despite being flat out on her back and being attended to by paramedics she was over joyed when Bill Murray rocked up in his golf cart. Hmm, Bill later joked with reporters it wasn’t the first time he had hit a spectator.

Artist Says No To Man Boobs

Artist Jack Vettriano has refused to paint golfer Colin Montgomerie because he has man boobs. When approached by the National Galleries of Scotland to do a commissioned work of golfing great Colin “Mrs Doubtfire” Montgomerie his response was “I’m afraid that the answer is no. I don’t do men with breasts. And I don’t mean that as unkind to Colin Montgomerie’.” (No, so how did did he mean it?). Evidently the “man breast” jibes started in 2002 when American Ryders Cup tormentors began greeting Montgomerie with “That’s a nice pair of tits you’ve got there.” I was wondering why he couldn’t just paint Montgomerie’s man boobs out, until I found out he also has a problem with his face!