Port of Everett Is Not a Driving Range People!
I am aiming for the water not the port, fools!
Geez friggin golfer, way to go. Finally the Port of Everett can justify their $2.3 million Department of Home Land Security grants.The video surveillance cameras originally installed to stop potential terrorist attacks following 9-11, have now been swung around to point directly at the residential neighborhood of Everett. Reason? Someone has been using the port’s Pacific Terminal as a driving range and they aren’t happy about it. Yes, golf balls have been raining down on the terminal over the past couple of months, endangering workers and damaging equipment and cargo. The authorities suspect the avid and possibly lazy golfer is teeing off from Rucker Hill and whacking balls onto the port property for some practice.They are hoping the cameras will hunt the friggin golfer down before he gets more accurate. No point asking the locals, they hate the port too.Fore!
Psst Hmm, could it be an Al Qaeda cell messing with ya?
Careful What You Wish FORE!
Bill Murray caddyshacked his tee shot during a Pro-Am event in Tampa and the ball flew across the street and knocked over a woman in her front garden. Fore..goodness sakes Bill! Gail DiMaggio and her husband had just stepped out of their house to watch Bill tee off when her husband said ‘I hope he hits it over here,’. Well he got his wish! Despite being flat out on her back and being attended to by paramedics she was over joyed when Bill Murray rocked up in his golf cart. Hmm, Bill later joked with reporters it wasn’t the first time he had hit a spectator.
Good Reason to Give Up Golf
You are 62 years of age, never played golf before, take eight half lessons, tee up for very first shot on a course, no practice swing, hit the ball and watch it roll into the friggin hole. After achieving what golfers only dream of, a hole in one, Unni Haskell told the St Petersburg Times “I didn’t know it was that big of a deal I thought all golfers do this.” Hmm, well at least her teaching pro had the last laugh “Unni, here’s the problem: There’s nowhere to go from here but down.”
GUR
Canyon West Golf Club could be in deep trouble and I don’t mean a sand trap. Hmm, investigators have inspected the 13th hole of Weatherford Golf Course trying to find answers to the mysterious bulldozer buried there. It seems someone might have buried the earth moving machine underneath the fairway some 14 odd years ago. Accident? I don’t think so! After a tip off, the Texas Department of Public Safety, the Tarrant Regional Auto Crimes Task Force and the National Insurance Crime Bureau invaded the course and took shovels to the 13th . There they found themselves a 9,000 pound Ford rubber tire loader buried 10 feet under. Ewh dear, golf club owners, Stan Mickle and his father, Wes Mickle, are the likely suspects. It is thought the equipment was originally stolen to help with the construction of the course and then disposed of quite cleverly after the job was completed! Oh no, even worse, investigators are now checking to see if the Mickles reported the bulldozer stolen to claim insurance. It is estimated that the dozer would have cost between $40,000 to $50,000 at the time.Fore!!!!
More Than One Type Of Birdie in Golf!
Squirrel shouldn’t be on a golf course, he’s never gonna get a birdie! Oh and just to add insult to injure its a mockingbird!
Play Golf Like A Squirrel
Its because we play with our nuts all day!
Psychologists at the University of St Andrews in Scotland, renowned as the home of golf, believe they have discovered the holy grail of golf. Don’t think.
Hmm, most golf coaches have known that one for ever. The problem is how does one stop a person thinking? The University of St Andrews believe just talking about your game in between playing shots can effect your skills and score. The medical mumbo jumbo is called ‘verbal overshadowing’ which makes the brain switch focus from the cerebral systems (skill related) to language related part of the brain.
I say phooey, if you want to really know the key to playing great golf you need to act like a squirrel. Squirrels, surprise, surprise, don’t think. It is the reason they are able to scurry across a thin wire and not fall off. Us humans, we think, process and analyze. If we were told to walk a thin wire like a squirrel, we couldn’t, mainly because our brain would be working overtime analysing the situation. Our brain would be thinking , crap that’s too high, the friggin wires too thin, I will die doing it, isn’t there an easier alternative, blah, blah, blah. A squirrel however is denied the complex assessment of information and has no ability to reason. It simply processes, acts and executes.
So next time you pick up your clubs find your inner squirrel and just go for it. Oh and if you want a really cool assessment of your golf by a world leading golf coach check out this site Free Golf Lesson Online.
Artist Says No To Man Boobs
Look what happened when the artist didn't like my man boobs!
Artist Jack Vettriano has refused to paint golfer Colin Montgomerie because he has man boobs. When approached by the National Galleries of Scotland to do a commissioned work of golfing great Colin “Mrs Doubtfire” Montgomerie his response was “I’m afraid that the answer is no. I don’t do men with breasts. And I don’t mean that as unkind to Colin Montgomerie’.” (No, so how did did he mean it?). Evidently the “man breast” jibes started in 2002 when American Ryders Cup tormentors began greeting Montgomerie with “That’s a nice pair of tits you’ve got there.” I was wondering why he couldn’t just paint Montgomerie’s man boobs out, until I found out he also has a problem with his face!
Dog With Real Balls
Did you hear something?
When your dog has a rattle you just know there is something wrong. Oscar the black Labrador has been keeping a secret. It seems he likes eating golf balls. When his owner started hearing a rattle from deep within Oscar’s bowels he took him straight to the vet. After a close examination the vet removed 13 golf balls from his stomach. Some had been there such a long time they were actually decomposing. The vet said : “It was like a magic trick. I opened him up and felt what I thought was two or three golf balls and then voila, “they just kept coming until we had a bag full.” Fingers are now being pointed at the Pitreavie golf course as the cause of Oscar’s woes.
